I Need You to See Me
If you’re paying attention, I am a full-time disabled person. When you tell me that you don’t see my disability, you are projecting your sense that the worst, most insulting, derogatory thing that you could say, is that you recognize my disability as part of who I am. As though this is a thing that need be a source of shame. As though, if I were paying attention, I ought to be feeling as horrendous as the thing you want to communicate that you do NOT see when you interact with me.
As a human with an acquired disability, and one that is changing, at that, please know that I am very clear about the fact that my disability is here. That without my mobility aids, I would be living less of a life than the one I live now. That I don’t feel ashamed about using a walker or a wheelchair, if those things make engaging with the world possible.
Please also know, that this world is not easy to navigate as a disabled person. I am thinking three steps ahead, before I put myself in any situation. Will there be a ramp? Are there stairs? Do I need another human to be with me to make this safe and possible? Is the seating situation able to accommodate my body, that now includes objects with wheels? Are the sidewalks easily navigable? Will I be seated in the sun or the shade? Are there people who are willing to sit in a chair to talk to me in my wheelchair? So that I’m not staring 3 feet up, all the time? Are there humans who will be thoughtful about the fact that when they leave a space where I am sitting in a wheelchair, that for me to feel included, they might have to wait a moment for me to join them in transitioning from one space to another?
This happens all the time. Groups of humans leave a room, conversations happen above my head, and I’m forgotten in a space. And then I get emotional, beat myself up, grieve, (all of that happens very quickly) and I don’t want to follow you, because I think to myself that I wouldn’t do that to another human, and then I wonder if that’s true.
When you tell me you don’t see my disability, you are also telling me that you don’t notice the ways that ableism makes my life more challenging.
I need you to see me. And my disability.
