What Do You Need?
Zero points awarded for acting in ways that don’t serve you and your best self.
Invited to a gathering that you would rather skip? (declining is alright)
Stressed about holiday shopping in a crowd? (shop small, shop online, don’t)
Need a five-minute break from a challenging family or friend or colleague conversation? (take it)
Want to change the body talk topic in a group in which it has been normalized? (suggest something new, change the topic, walk away)
Sick and tired of hearing about seasonal diet chatter? (let the people that you are talking with know that you are not buying into the December diet rhetoric)
Feeling like you’re ready to set a boundary that you haven’t been able to set in the past? (honor your needs)
There is something very powerful about knowing what you need, about knowing what will leave you feeling good and powerful and happy. And knowing the opposite, too.
This can be really scary if it’s new. This can also be really scary if you’re concerned about shifting dynamics in a relationship. It’s okay to start small.
But please, start.
Not apologizing for honoring your needs is really cool. And in my experience, clarifying my needs, REALLY thinking about what will serve my whole self, and then communicating accordingly has been key.
This has meant:
✔️ declining invitations
✔️ explaining, when I want to, about my mobility challenges
✔️ asking for the people I go out to eat with to be thoughtful about seating
✔️ setting limits about my willingness to talk about my disease, as though it is the most important part of my life
✔️Working up the courage to ask people to do the uncomfortable work of examining ablism
✔️setting limits around my willingness to tolerate “friendly” advice around managing my disease
✔️fighting the urge to show up as eternally happy when using my wheelchair to encourage those standing around me to engage with me
✔️asking for accommodation and assistance when I’m at the gym
✔️prioritizing an early bedtime without apology
What do YOU need?
