Evolve or repeat
New Year reality; “you’re not enough so buy this” message is going to be replaced with “you’re not enough so diet...” This year, consider that there is another way.
Change is so hard. And being stuck in a pattern that doesn’t serve us? Sometimes, even harder than the change itself. And other times, the change itself is hard as can be, and worth the difficulty.
Recovering from an eating disorder and moving away from diet culture is hard. It takes work, persistence, patience, self-compassion, drive, and all of these things, repeated, endlessly.
But we are presented with two choices: evolve or repeat.
In my life, I have chosen both. You likely have, too. Living with a chronic illness and a progressively debilitating illness, at that, is a lot. I have fought against my body. I have talked shit about my body. I have gone to great lengths to change my body. I have paid real money for miracle solutions that left me miraculously with less money and less self-confidence. And by no means, is this process over. But when I choose to sit with acceptance of what is, I’m not judging myself or my process or my body.
I’ve had MS for over 20 years. I’ve been disabled for the better part of 10, probably. I didn’t realize that my body moved differently until seeing myself on video eight years ago. And then after that, I acquired a limp that my dentist teased me for…I didn’t go to the dentist for two years after that.
In the last five years, I have started using mobility aids. I am disabled. And my disability is changing. My body is evolving in ways that I don’t love. But I am not repeating the pattern of beating the hell out of myself for the sake of beating the hell out of myself.
I wonder if you can offer your self, your body, similar compassion. I wonder if you can make the next choice one that frustrates your eating disorder, or flies in the face of diet culture. Expect it to feel uncomfortable. And keep going.
Our bodies are in a state of constant evolution. When our minds are doing the same, there can be harmony.
EVOLVE. Let’s go, 2020. Ready.
