I Will Get Things Wrong
A few months ago, I had a conversation with an influencer with hundreds of thousands of followers. She made a comment that struck me: “The people who follow you, look like you.“ I really hadn’t thought about that.
Although my page is mostly dedicated to words, there are occasions in which I show my face, or share photos of my body using mobility aids. The latter, I will do forever, because I think it’s really important to witness disability. The former doesn’t feel particularly relevant. Not now, anyway.
That said, I take having a following very seriously. And I acknowledge that my many privileges got you here.
I am thin. I am white. I am relatively young. I am conventionally attractive. I am disabled, but my disability is largely invisible on social media, barring the photographs that I share in which I’m using a walker or a wheelchair. And because of the privilege I carry, my disability is looked upon favorably.
Last week, I engaged in the #amplifyingmelanatedvoices prompt. I muted many of the white humans that I follow, and I’m grateful to have found rich content from Black creators that I may not have otherwise never stumbled upon.
I’m grateful to have diversified my feed, and I’m committed to continuing to do so.
I follow humans with stories that are not like mine. On purpose.
I follow members of the LGBTQ+ community. I follow humans who live in fat and very fat bodies. Now, more so, I follow a more racially diverse collection of humans, too.
The gut punch? They were here this whole time. I had been missing out on incredible clinicians, creators, writers, HUMANS because I didn’t search for them & the humans I follow didn’t share their work. I appreciate the willingness of Black folx to participate in the campaign to increase their visibility. I’m sorry that a campaign was required to get your content to me.
Last week, I got a lot of things wrong. Although I have been making efforts to engage in anti-racism learning for years, I was unprepared to respond to a graphic murder & a global outcry for racial justice.
I will get things wrong.
I will share my errors with you so that we can learn together.
Anti-racism work is work.
I am here for it.⬇
Amplify Melanated Voices
I am committed to doing anti-racism work. I started this critical examination several years ago, and the more I learn, the more I realize this is a process that need never stop.
I am deeply saddened by the murder of Ahmaud Arbery, and realize that his death is one of countless others. That the outcry of grief around his death is three months late. And I don’t know how to come to terms with the fact that the arrest of his murderers has provided me no solace, no sense of resolution or calm. And the fact that my race, my privilege, has prevented me from contending with this lack of resolution.
I wrote this post (above & below...) after the death, murder of Ahmaud Arbery. And I don’t know what kept me from posting except for knowing that centering my experience of this tragedy didn’t matter. Since then, George Floyd, Nina Pop, Breonna Taylor, and Tony McDade been murdered.
And as we are seeing with COVID cases, decades of racism and inequity have led to disproportionate death rates in these communities.
Being black should not be a death sentence.
This was my original post.⬇️
Feel uncomfortable? Go there.
Feel uncomfortable? Go there.
Feel uncomfortable? Go there.
<Mantra>
places I’ve learned:
Uprooting Racism: How White People Can Work for Racial Justice - Paul Kivil
So You Want to Talk About Race
- Ijeoma Oluo
Me and White Supremacy
- Layla Saad
Fearing the Black Body
- Sabrina Strings
Reading: How To Be An Antiracist
- Ibram X. Kendi
More: @rachel.cargle @desireeadaway @divahines @blackandembodied @moemotivate @biggah_dat_dude @blackandembodied @thefriendineverwanted @sonyareneetaylor @decolonizing_fitness
This week, and all the weeks, I am committed to Amplifying the voices of BIPOC.
I’m listening, I’m learning, and I hope you will join me in this process.
Please Accept This Socially Distanced Hug
Right now, we’re (I’m) settling for air hugs.
If you’re looking for a virtual hug, consider this a snug 15 second, for oxytocin releasing, cuddle!
Send this message to anyone who you miss hugging in real life.
Big love,
A🤍
Checks and Balances
I am interested in balance in this world. Checks and balances. And I recognize that balance implies fluidity. Sometimes, there will be imbalance before balance is established. Sometimes, imbalance is regarded as the norm.
I am talking about social justice issues. Racism. Sexism. Weight stigma and oppression. Gender oppression. Patriarchy. Ableism. Ageism.
These are issues that deserve balance, but will demand the rising of consciousness and energy and effort of us all. I’m learning more and listening. And we need a collective rising to make change. Balance here is a wish that I hope will be granted. And we need a hell of a lot more than hope and wishes.
Fortunately, with regard to food, or at least attitude about it, balance is achievable.
And I hate using the word balance to describe food because it implies some judgment about food being good or bad. That some foods are health-promoting, while others are harmful. I’m not looking to suggest that cake is the same as salmon or kale or quinoa. That’s false. But what is NOT false is that all foods can fit. No food will do you grave harm, barring an allergy. Fact. Some foods provide more antioxidants or nutrients than others, but ALL FOOD IS GOOD FOOD. Some may be considered conventionally ‘heathy,’ but when was the last time you asked who decided what that was?
So the next time you think about balance, think about the fact that to establish balance, to have an awareness of what it is, implies imbalance, too.
We can fight for social justice and food and body freedom at the same time. They are inexorably linked.
I’m in.
Join me?
Fat Privilege is Not a Thing
It’s actually fascinating to me that folks have such a hard time with the concept of thin privilege. I am not suggesting that living with thin privilege means that you have not struggled, that you do not have bad body image days, or that you love your body.
What I am suggesting is that you live in a body that is not oppressed for existing as is.
A few personal experiences about thin privilege in a disabled body:
My last neurologist asked me to give a presentation to other humans living with secondary progressive MS and progressive disability. She knew I was a dietitian, but made repeated comments about my body size as though that had anything to do with my education.
She asked me to give a presentation to humans with MS who lived in larger bodies with the hope of putting them in smaller bodies. As to suggest the experience of living with disability and chronic illness is not hard enough. As to suggest that I would be interested in encouraging ANY humans to engage in a practice that disconnect them from their bodies, at best, and does great harm.
I never gave this presentation. I left this neurologist, and let her know why. ⬆️
I walk using a walker. Before COVID, I went for my monthly infusion, and a person asked if I needed help walking into the hospital. There was NOTHING that he may have assisted me with.
Strangers offer to help me.
Strangers (when I could still see them) initiate conversation.
I’m told that I’m an inspiration (I hate that one, because I am not an inspiration for being a human who lives with a chronic illness and disability. I might be inspirational in other ways, but inspirational for living? No.) and brave.
It is not lost on me that my experience of disability is unfairly tilted in the pleasant direction because of all my privilege.
Thin privilege. White privilege. The privilege of relative youth. The privilege of possessing conventional beauty attributes. And these are only some of the privileges that a stranger can see.
.
.
.
If the concept of thin privilege makes you feel defensive, I’m going to ask you to consider why that is. REALLY. Please think about this.
Fat privilege is not a thing.
Thin privilege is.
Grieving an Idealized Body is Part of the Process
Today is a hard day. And I’m not saying that with a desire of receiving sympathy, but I’m saying it to offer some common humanity.
My legs are moving, but very slowly. My coordination is a bit off. I feel tired, and though I don’t believe I could sleep right now, I simultaneously feel like I could sleep for a year.
Not all days are like this. Some days are easier than others.
I think about the amount of time that I used to spend grieving my body. Grieving my functional body, more accurately. It took up a lot of space for me. And I think that I needed that space to get to the place that I am in now.
I needed to feel sad and angry and misunderstood and alone to get to a place where I rarely feel those feelings at all. Of course I still do, but I’m able to frame them in a very different way.
For me, grieving a body started with the grieving of my actual physical body. Now, I use that energy and frustration when I think about systemic ableism. The fact that parts of the planet are now off-limits for me. That sucks. But that is not actually about my body at all. That is about culture and a society that has yet to make room for all bodies.
The fact that we live in a world that doesn’t make room for marginalized bodies is something I will mourn until it changes. And I will do everything that I can to shift the balance in favor of those who live with oppression. I fully acknowledge that all that I can do is speak my truth, but my activist parts are getting fiery.
Your body might be changing in ways that you don’t feel comfortable with. You may or may not easily navigate societal standards. And it’s okay that you have feelings about this. It is reasonable that you might crave a body that you once had, or never had.
Our culture lies when it states that there is only one way to have a body. That is bullshit. I wish for you to be so at home in your body that you are nearly impervious to these messages.
I wish for you to be so at home in your body if in fact, you feel at home there, that there is nowhere else that you would rather be. And if you have to feel sorrow before you find peace, allow yourself to feel.
Grieving is allowed. Allow.
Has Anyone Noticed?
Have you noticed your experience with food shifting in the context of living through this pandemic?
Anxiety, fear of scarcity, being replaced by discomfort, and trouble trusting yourself, your body? Perhaps eating beyond fullness? Or feeling unable to tune into hunger cues? With a dash of diet culture-derived fatphobia suggesting that if a body changes while surviving a global health crisis, that is 1. Worst case scenario and 2. Entirely within your control and 3. A thing that you need to prevent by not eating/eating certain foods.
Transitioning to seeking comfort food? Familiar food? Seeking satisfaction in a new way? Perhaps being replaced by settling into the comfort of a new normal with fewer perceived extremes?
And maybe not.
I’m chatting with clients about this phenomenon. And am so grateful that for most, compassion has allowed a natural evolution of sorts. A curious return to body trust. A realization that once condemned foods can be part of an experience with food that is helpful and not harmful. A resumed connection to body cues. A frustration with diet culture preying on this moment. A realization that the gym wasn’t actually necessary, perhaps. A curiosity about incorporation of foods consumed for the sake of the season, and the realization that the grocery store heroes are restocking the shelves.
For anyone familiar with intuitive eating, this pandemic has offered, for many, a beautiful evolution. First, perhaps moving away from the principals, and then moving back to them.
1. Reject Diet Culture
2. Honor Your Hunger
3. Make Peace with Food
4. Challenge the Food Police
5. Discover the Satisfaction Factor
6. Feel Your Fullness
7. Cope with Your Emotions With Kindness
8. Respect Your Body
9. Movement-Feel the Difference
10. Honor Your Health - Gentle Nutrition
During virtual connection today, I am going to explain, in greater detail, what I’m speaking about. And the IG live (at 3pm EST) will be saved forever in IGTV.
This is week 10 of virtual connection.
And to my virtual connection partners, @encouragingdietitian, @bodypositive_dietitian, @hgoodrichrd, and @bodyimagewithbri, thank you.
Nothing Tastes Good with Shame or Guilt
Nothing tastes good with shame or guilt.
Ever.
And being stressed while you’re eating makes the eating experience less pleasant, but more than that, leads to body disconnection in the middle of a process that is ideally connecting.
How many times have you sat down to eat and are left with a pit in your stomach? Nerves that just won’t leave you be? Stress about how a food will make you feel or what it will do to your body? Whether a food choice will improve or detract from health?
I feel you. (There was that time that I tried to heal my MS with food. I’ve since learned better) And when food is challenging, be it by virtue of diet culture, an eating disorder, a desire to heal yourself, prevent infection, or something else, it makes what should be a pleasant or neutral experience stressful as can be.
... I shouldn’t eat this…
... this will keep me healthy...
... this is going to harm my body…
... i’m thinking about this food all day...
... if I eat in this way, I won’t be judged...
… If I in this way, I will be judged…
These thoughts and so many others make the act of eating STRESSFUL. And when your body is stressed, the last thing it wants to do is comfortably digest.
This is what leads to an unsettled belly/body if you’re eating an energized food, a ‘cheat food,’ a challenge food. This is what provides the false sense of security when you choose a safe food. This is your sympathetic nervous system doing its job.
And, eating food is not something that should elicit a fight, flight, or freeze response.
So the next time you’re feeling stressed about food, take a few deep breaths into your belly. Remind yourself that you are safe. That you are okay. And that the food you’re eating is about you taking care of yourself. Create a happy eating mantra.
Stressing about food is bad for your health. Eating and enjoying, WHATEVER it is, is good for you.
Happy weekend, lovelies.
#intuitiveeating #eatingdisorderrecovery #dietculture #dietculturedropout #miraclefood #nofoodrules #foodrules #foodpsychology #bodytrust #nofoodstress
Comparison is the Thief of Joy
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Less eloquently: Comparison sucks all the time.
and
THIS IS A TERRIBLE TIME FOR COMPARISON…
Getting caught in the social media comparison trap even if real-life comparison is less stressful than usual?
Acknowledge that you are only witnessing the parts of someone’s day, of their goings-on, of their lives that they wish to share.
Likely with edits and filters and revision.
Equally, if someone is doing/making/creating while you are existing, and you feel things about yourself as a result, please know that I FEEL YOU.
And beating ourselves up for the things we aren’t doing is like announcing body insecurities when we enter a room: It changes nothing and leaves us feeling worse.
No, thanks.
Breathe. We’re all okay.
Big (no comparison) hugs,
a
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#selflovematters #endthestigma #comparisonisthethiefofjoy #mentalhealthrecovery #selflovefirst #mindsetshift #recoverywin #notalone #mentalhealthawarenessmonth
Thoughts are Tricky Things
Thoughts are tricky things. Sometimes they’re based in fact, sometimes they are based in fear, and sometimes they are based on misinformation.
Just like feelings, we can’t control our thoughts. But we can control our actions.
This is a challenging one, but I want you to give it a try.
Thought: my body might change during quarantine.
Is it helpful? No. Your body might change. You might gain weight. And if you do, you are just as worthy and good as you were before your weight changed. Diet culture preying on folx mid-PANDEMIC is infuriating. Weight gain is not a worst-case scenario here.
Thought: I can’t eat comfort/packaged/preserved foods without ‘making up’ for them later.
Is it helpful?: nope. Whether or not you feel anxious about it, give yourself permission to eat all the foods. If that feels scary, try incorporating anxiety-producing foods in the context of eating meals. All foods fit. Self-soothing with food is an ingenious mechanism. There is a reason that eating leads to dopamine release. Brilliant. Anxiety is temporary. You have staying power.
Thought: if I stop this diet, my body might change.
Is it helpful?: Nope. It’s true, your body might change, but we know that diets are famous for being unsuccessful long term and leaving the eater feeling responsible. Moving away from dieting might be the hardest thing you do. If you’re not ready for that yet, you are welcome here.
Thought: if I eat this food, I’m going to feel guilty.
Is it helpful?: No. Guilt is not a feeling that should be associated with food or eating! Challenge the heck out of this one! Is that part of your story? Or was it someone else’s story before it became yours?
Thought: I don’t deserve to eat this.
Is this helpful?: Absolutely not. Deservedness is not something that applies to food. Similar to air, you deserve to eat. Without earning a thing.
Some of the concerns about what might happen if you take care of yourself with adequate food & rest may be valid. And the consequences of not taking care of yourself are far more dire. They disconnected from your life. Even in this virtual connection land, connection matters.
IS THIS HELPFUL?
How will you use this today? 👇