Body Grief is Real
In a culture that suggests that there is one way to have a body.
In a culture that suggests that there is one body to be attained by all.
In a culture that combats body change, at all cost.
In a culture that does not celebrate body change as a part of healthy evolution and growth.
Bodies are supposed to change.
Your body does not look like it did when you were in high school, because you are no longer in high school. This is a good thing.
And maybe you have dedicated time to changing your body, and maybe you have been successful, in doing so. And maybe you have not. And maybe you have wished for a body you don’t, can’t, won’t have.
Blown out birthday candles with the wish for a different body.
Thrown pennies into fountains.
Wished on lucky stars.
It is unrealistic to suggest that you will not have feelings about your changing body. It is also unrealistic to suggest that your body will not change. You are alive. Living things change. This is good. And in the vein of realism, grief is allowed to be part of the process. And as I am learning, in the context of living with a chronic illness, grief is an emotion that is perpetual. It changes shape. It takes up more time or less. But it is in the background. It is part of my story. And holding it as part of the story, makes it feel better.
You are allowed to feel whatever you feel about your body. And I hope that regardless of how you feel, you will do your best to take care of it. Grief is not best managed by cruelty.
Happy weekend, lovelies.
#haes #eatingdisorderrecovery #bodyimage #grief #allbodiesareworthybodies #nourish #heal #aging #disability #compassion #change #evolve #antidiet
I Am Here For You
There are so many things to say, and unfortunately, “I’m surprised,“ is not one of them.
As I learned from my client, when someone unenrolls from Weight Watchers, they ask why you leave.
So when my client clarified her reason for leaving was related to having been diagnosed with and being treated for an eating disorder, she assumed, as I would have, that they would have respected her choice.
That was almost 2 years ago.
Bring on the New Year, New You, new Weight Watchers, but really, same @ww.
They’re sending her emails again.
As though her explanation was unclear.
As though her explanation was inadequate.
As though THEY were not part of the development of her eating disorder.
As though they believe that spending more years in diet hell would make her life better.
As though they care.
I am an anti-diet dietitian. I promote health practices utilizing non-diet interventions. I am not anti-people who choose to diet. Of course not. But decades of research and innumerable studies have made one thing patently clear: diet, for most, don’t work. Not in the long run. And not without pain.
I am an anti-diet practitioner because I do not believe in encouraging practices that separate my clients from their bodies. I do not believe in encouraging practices that are unsustainable in the long run and make people feel poorly when their bodies are so excellent at being bodies. I do not believe that constantly working to be smaller is life-enhancing for anyone. I do believe in body diversity. And in body respect.
I do believe that all humans are worthy of weight neutral, health promoting care, that is not contingent on a number on a chart.
Diet culture is a bully. And diet culture doesn’t care about the very real devastation that it brings.
I am here for YOU.
I am not here for that.
@ww move over. You’re hurting children with @kurbohealth and you’re perpetually harming of age consumers, too.
#weightstigma #weightbias #weightloss #weightgain #weightneutral #eatingdisorderrecovery #diet #dietculture #bingeeating #bingeeatingrecovery #osfed #osfedrecovery #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #orthorexia #orthorexia #haes
Stay
Anyone else have those days? When the things that you say to yourself about yourself are not the most gentle or generous?
I KNOW THAT I DO.
I want to clarify something about the tone that I use on social media.
There is a very specific reason that I am emphatic about having a strong weight-inclusive, HAES® informed message. There is a very specific reason that I am direct in messaging about all things eating disorder recovery. There is a very specific reason that I am unapologetic about moving away from all things diet and wellness culture. There is a very specific reason that I speak about body image and body acceptance in the way I do. There is a very specific reason that I don’t mince words about wellness culture interventions for chronic conditions.
There is a very specific reason that I say hello and send best wishes on my stories. Daily.
The reasons that I show up in this fashion is because diet culture is unapologetically loud. Eating disorders are convincing and noisy and persistent. Wellness culture is pervasive.
I am one voice. More specifically, I am one person. I can’t beat wellness culture or eating disorder messages, and I certainly can’t beat diet culture. But it matters to me that I show up with an assertive voice. Because the voices I’m combatting? They are super assertive. And are going nowhere.
The reasons that I am this assertive? They have names. They are people. They are my clients, my colleagues, my friends. Sometimes, they are for me.
The reason my tone is different in my daily hellos? Because I am a whole human.
I am fiercely protective of this space. And sometimes, I’m going to miss the mark. Sometimes I’m going to take things seriously, too seriously. Sometimes, I feel like I could show up here better, more. And then, I breathe. And I know that the people who are here, are meant to be here.
So while I might not be the best person to talk to about myself today, I’m still here. And you might not be the best person to talk to about you today, either.
But stay. Offer yourself COMPASSION. Check in again later.
Thank You For Not
OH MY GOODNESS, THANK YOU FOR YOUR ADVICE.
If you found me twenty years ago, I would have fixed myself - my energy - and avoided chronic illness and disability.
Maybe I’m manifestations incorrectly?
Maybe my vibes are too realistic?
Well, shoot.
See also, suggesting that humans who struggle just aren’t trying 👏 hard 👏 enough👏, believing the right way,🧚 or living in an adequately✨glittery positive way,✨is gaslighting of the most annoying kind.
Hope is not a mandate.
It doesn’t always feel genuine.
It doesn’t have to. That’s not real life.
Telling me, or anyone living with life stuff, (ahem, everyone) to just vibrate at a higher frequency, is rude. At best.
Thank you for not.
#manifest #manifestation #health #wellness #spirituality #chronicillness #disability #eatingdisorderrecovery #multiplesclerosis #spoonie
#orthorexia #cleaneating #antidiet #dietculture
Body Info > Nutrition Info
Have you ever eaten a food that you believed to be adequate, and were annoyed to find yourself looking for something else? Sooner than you felt comfortable with?
Maybe this eating experience started by checking a black and white label. Assessing calorie totals, or grams of protein or fiber or some other thing that promises to tell you about what ought to feel sufficient or satisfactory. And maybe you have a food that you’d really like to eat, but because of that black and white badge, you skip it. And try something else that ‘should’ keep you happy or full or not distracted by food. But then you eat something else. And something else. And something else. Nothing is doing the trick, and by the time you eat the originally desired food, you feel mentally exhausted and physically dreadful.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
This is what happens when we allow black and white labels to dictate food choices. This is outsourcing body wisdom. This might work, short term, but can’t, ongoing.
This is why I LOVE working with satisfaction. Satisfaction is individual. It is subjective. It cannot be predetermined by checking a label. It can’t be appreciated if energy needs are not being met consistently. Satisfaction relies on all of your senses.
Satisfaction is like a fingerprint. It’s unique. It either IS or ISN’T. And yours, alone.
Body information is so much more important than nutrition information. Seeking satisfaction is health-promoting behavior. GET CURIOUS.
#InaccessibleViews For All
This is a story of privilege.
I grew up in the Black Hills of South Dakota. With parents who loved the outdoors and made certain that my sister and I were exposed to the national parks that our state, and in the surrounding states. I grew up hiking and canoeing and fishing and camping.
I remember laying in the backseat of the van whining while being driven through Yellowstone National Park. Refusing to look outside because I was bored. I remember driving to the Badlands and exploring, but not without complaining about how long the drive was. The plains of South Dakota, with their wandering buffalo and cattle guards and endless horizons are beyond compare. I hiked in the Bighorn Mountains and clambered around Devil’s Tower. I dream about this place. I walk there while I’m dreaming. I haven’t been back in nearly two decades. I’d give a lot to have the opportunity to redo my youthful exploration in an able body, but that can’t happen.
When I started #inaccessibleviews, I did it selfishly. I wanted to go back to places that I’d once been able to enjoy in an able body, and always felt welcomed in. In the process, I have learned from POC that these places are inaccessible to them, too.
So when I saw this black family (selling a @subaru_usa) standing at the entrance to a National Park, I was doubly struck. I’ve seen ads for sporting goods stores. And National Parks. They’re full of white folx.
Who have the privilege of taking time from work, can afford park admission, own vehicles, and sport-specific gear.
My unearned privilege is humbling and the fact that this feels like a punch in the gut, is appropriate.
This is a continued plea for #inaccessibleviews - tag me in your stories. Please. Send your friends to the collections...nearly 300 photos and videos from all over the world with more than 10K views. I’m so grateful.
Tell me why you enjoy them, too!
Preference > Position
PREFERENCE > POSITION. Every time.
This concept applies to much of what is discussed in my office: Food choice. Movement selection. How people feel about food and eating, and how people feel about moving their bodies or not.
There is extraordinary power in acknowledging and knowing and trusting your preferences. If there is a certain food that you genuinely do not prefer, or a certain exercise style that is not preferred, excellent. You know you.
But this gets tricky when wellness culture pops it’s nose into decisions and instead of offering you choice, suggests that there is a correct way and an incorrect way.
Instead of saying “I prefer to eat fruits and vegetables regularly,“ the message becomes “I am THE KIND OF PERSON who eats fruits and veggies regularly.” This might seem like a subtle differentiation, but I don’t think it is.
Having a strong position about food actually takes away your choice. It does not allow for growth or change or development of authentic preference.
Position is solid. It is unwavering. And, in my experience, is brittle and leads to fewer choices.
Preference, on the other hand, is fluid. It acknowledges that preferences change, and leaves room for a change in opinion and a change with experience.
To illustrate this point, I will use myself as an example. I don’t enjoy salmon. Because this is a preference, I can go to a restaurant or a party or a friend’s house and eat salmon and be fine. I might not love them the most, and that’s okay. I will eat again.
If I had a very strong position about salmon, for example, It might go something like this… “I am not a person who eats salmon, so I won’t be coming to your party, and I won’t be coming to that event, or I will eat later.“ And perhaps salmon is not a great example here…If it doesn’t feel right for you, play with some diet culture trends. (Gluten, Whole30, paleo, etc.)
If you are making choices based on positional beliefs, I welcome you to consider evaluating your preferences. They might be the same, but the energy of the preference is different.
Happy eating this weekend! Play with this!
*allergies need positions
Compassion. Compassion. Compassion.
Diet and wellness culture are exhausting.
And sell lies. Repeatedly. And when the lies/solutions don’t pan out, it’s your fault.
YUCK.
There is no such thing as a perfect food.
There is no such thing as a food that will save you from being a human. there is no such thing as a food that will boost your longevity, or prevent you from dying.
There is no such thing as a food that will heal you. Scurvy as a possible exception.🍊 Wellness culture disputes these concepts daily.
Not. Here. For. It.
Diet culture gets all of us at our weak points. This is intentional.
For those with long stories of being made to feel uncomfortable in their bodies, of being told or feeling that their bodies were problems, diet culture offers ‘solutions.’ One after another after another. With increasing degrees of self-sacrifice and risk. With the same outcome, for most. And an enormous risk of disordered eating and eating disorders on the side.
For those living with chronic illnesses, diet culture promises a cure, a solution dreamed of but never imagined. An answer. An end to a confusing experience. This shows up as confusing messages, egregious false promises, and bold faced lies. And if you choose not to go down the road of ‘solutions,’ you’re not doing all you can.
I appreciate that you might be dieting, right now. You’re so welcome here. And if you’re trying to get away from dieting and diet culture, but are surrounded by it and tempted as a result, you’re so welcome here. If you’ve gotten angry at the time wasted on dieting, I’m sorry you can’t get that time back, and you’re so welcome here.
Compassion. Compassion. Compassion. Wherever you are. Compassion.
Boring Food is Still Food
Moving away from diet culture and disorder means freedom with food. And freedom with food hopefully means variety, adequacy, flexibility, excitement, and fun.
AND
Sometimes food is boring. Sometimes food is eaten because we know we need energy, we know we need to perform a task, or do a job, or simply need fuel to be alive. Sometimes we eat something simply because it is around. Not because it is something that we want or that we are craving or that necessarily leaves us feeling excited. Not because it is the best thing we’ve ever eaten.
And this is so hard when we are newly free from the handcuffs of diet culture or disorder. When we might be interacting with food freely for the first time in a long time, or maybe for the first time period.
And of course, because this permission and flexibility and freedom is new, it feels like everything we eat should be the next BEST thing.
This, to me, is one of the beauties of intuitive eating. As we give ourselves permission to eat food, we can also give ourselves permission to eat food that we don’t deem to be exceptional.
There will be more food.
There will be more exciting eating opportunities.
Boring food is still food.
The Real Key to a Healthy Diet
A concept for your consideration: a healthy diet includes a trusting and respectful RELATIONSHIP with food.
If you have the privilege of having access to adequate food, I am far more interested in how you feel about a food, how you feel in your body while you’re eating it, and how you experience a food, that I am in the details of it.
Regardless of what it is.
Vitamins aren’t great for you if all you can think about is getting them.
Macros don’t matter if you’re paralyzed by the concept of eating freely.
Eating food in a manner that is dictated by an arbitrary rule? Not good for you.
What would your experience with food look like if you focused on your relationship to it?