Restriction is Not Better Than Binging
I cannot tell you the number of humans that I have spoken to who feel one way about the act of restriction and another way about binging.
Other ways this might show up... In glorifying “perfect“ eating, in suggesting that our bodies are not trustworthy, that our bodies must be managed, and that there is one way to do this eating, living, practicing selfcare, but not leaning towards a self-indulgent thing.
What an ENORMOUS lie.
I have a deep disdain for the reverence of one eating disorder behavior and the shame associated with another.
Binge eating disorder is a restrictive eating disorder.
Binge eating and binge eating disorder can affect humans who live in small bodies and in large bodies. Binge eating is not unique to one age group, one ethnicity, one gender, one socioeconomic class, or one racial group. Binge eating disorder is the most common eating disorder. And its inclusion in the DSM has made the incidence of breast cancer lower than the incidence of eating disorders.
This is not about self control.
This is not about self control.
This is not about self control.
This is not about self control.
Restricting in an effort to minimize the effect of a binge only leads to further binging.
I think it’s very important to recognize the mechanisms that support our utilization of food as a means of navigating the planet. For many of my clients, food has been THE way to cope in times where other skills were unavailable. And perhaps, in this moment, you are finding this method of interacting with food to be calming, soothing, supportive. Brilliant.
This is not shameful, this is resourceful.
Let’s stop idealizing one eating disorder behavior in lieu of another.
Suffering is suffering.
I Feel Uncomfortable in my Body, AND
You might feel uncomfortable in your body.
What if instead of using feeling uncomfortable as an indication that you need to do a thing to try to change a thing, you used feeling uncomfortable as a pointer to get curious about why you feel what you do? What you need in the moment? Perhaps you need to set a boundary? Or close your browser? Or turn off your phone? Or to breathe or scream or cry?
Body discomfort is challenging, and self-care can persist, nonetheless.
This is an opportunity for neuroplasticity. This is an opportunity to change patterned responses.
Reframe to change your brain!
What else would you add to this list of responses to the statement:
“I feel uncomfortable in my body, AND _____________”
Show Up in Ways That You Can
I’m having conversations with clients, both white and Black, who are expressing the sense that their struggles, their very human experiences, are not relevant in this moment because this moment is so significant.
INHALE
I am not arguing or disputing the significance of now. This is a long-overdue moment of racial reckoning.
A country coming together in the middle of a pandemic to loudly express that Black lives matter.
The civil rights movement of our lifetimes.
Happening. Right. Now.
EXHALE
Your voice, your participation, your presence in this moment is important. But in order to have a voice, a presence, you must first take care of yourself.
And I’m not talking about glamorous self-care.
I am talking about boring self-care: Eating. Enough. Satisfying food. Energizing food. Soothing food. Sleeping. Moving, if you’re able or desiring to. Taking medication. Attending to your mental health needs. Taking a stand, or saving your energy so you can do so at a later date.
All of us are needed in this moment, and this moment is not the end of the effort that will be required for anti-racism efforts. Anti-racism efforts are not a trend.
Trends go out of style. This cannot.
Show up in the ways that you can.
But know that prioritizing your mental health, your healing, your recovery, right now, whatever that looks like, will make it possible for you to stay in this effort.
There is no shame in having need.
Not right now.
Not ever.
I see you.
Have an Issue with Another Human's Body?
Facts:
No one owes you an aesthetic.
No one owes you a shape or size.
No one owes you their food choices.
No one owes you physical activity.
No one owes you being pretty.
No one owes you their health status.
No one owes you being sexy. Or attractive. Or ANYTHING.
Body judgments are circulating. Despite this pandemic. Despite living through the civil rights moment of our lifetimes. Despite having ALL OF THE MORE IMPORTANT things to be focused on.
ENOUGH.
Even if you’re only seeing humans online, body judgements are uncool and unhelpful and are ultimately, a you issue.
If you’re noticing yourself getting caught up in the physical appearance of others, take a giant step back. That’s on you. ✌️
I Will Get Things Wrong
A few months ago, I had a conversation with an influencer with hundreds of thousands of followers. She made a comment that struck me: “The people who follow you, look like you.“ I really hadn’t thought about that.
Although my page is mostly dedicated to words, there are occasions in which I show my face, or share photos of my body using mobility aids. The latter, I will do forever, because I think it’s really important to witness disability. The former doesn’t feel particularly relevant. Not now, anyway.
That said, I take having a following very seriously. And I acknowledge that my many privileges got you here.
I am thin. I am white. I am relatively young. I am conventionally attractive. I am disabled, but my disability is largely invisible on social media, barring the photographs that I share in which I’m using a walker or a wheelchair. And because of the privilege I carry, my disability is looked upon favorably.
Last week, I engaged in the #amplifyingmelanatedvoices prompt. I muted many of the white humans that I follow, and I’m grateful to have found rich content from Black creators that I may not have otherwise never stumbled upon.
I’m grateful to have diversified my feed, and I’m committed to continuing to do so.
I follow humans with stories that are not like mine. On purpose.
I follow members of the LGBTQ+ community. I follow humans who live in fat and very fat bodies. Now, more so, I follow a more racially diverse collection of humans, too.
The gut punch? They were here this whole time. I had been missing out on incredible clinicians, creators, writers, HUMANS because I didn’t search for them & the humans I follow didn’t share their work. I appreciate the willingness of Black folx to participate in the campaign to increase their visibility. I’m sorry that a campaign was required to get your content to me.
Last week, I got a lot of things wrong. Although I have been making efforts to engage in anti-racism learning for years, I was unprepared to respond to a graphic murder & a global outcry for racial justice.
I will get things wrong.
I will share my errors with you so that we can learn together.
Anti-racism work is work.
I am here for it.⬇
Amplify Melanated Voices
I am committed to doing anti-racism work. I started this critical examination several years ago, and the more I learn, the more I realize this is a process that need never stop.
I am deeply saddened by the murder of Ahmaud Arbery, and realize that his death is one of countless others. That the outcry of grief around his death is three months late. And I don’t know how to come to terms with the fact that the arrest of his murderers has provided me no solace, no sense of resolution or calm. And the fact that my race, my privilege, has prevented me from contending with this lack of resolution.
I wrote this post (above & below...) after the death, murder of Ahmaud Arbery. And I don’t know what kept me from posting except for knowing that centering my experience of this tragedy didn’t matter. Since then, George Floyd, Nina Pop, Breonna Taylor, and Tony McDade been murdered.
And as we are seeing with COVID cases, decades of racism and inequity have led to disproportionate death rates in these communities.
Being black should not be a death sentence.
This was my original post.⬇️
Feel uncomfortable? Go there.
Feel uncomfortable? Go there.
Feel uncomfortable? Go there.
<Mantra>
places I’ve learned:
Uprooting Racism: How White People Can Work for Racial Justice - Paul Kivil
So You Want to Talk About Race
- Ijeoma Oluo
Me and White Supremacy
- Layla Saad
Fearing the Black Body
- Sabrina Strings
Reading: How To Be An Antiracist
- Ibram X. Kendi
More: @rachel.cargle @desireeadaway @divahines @blackandembodied @moemotivate @biggah_dat_dude @blackandembodied @thefriendineverwanted @sonyareneetaylor @decolonizing_fitness
This week, and all the weeks, I am committed to Amplifying the voices of BIPOC.
I’m listening, I’m learning, and I hope you will join me in this process.
Please Accept This Socially Distanced Hug
Right now, we’re (I’m) settling for air hugs.
If you’re looking for a virtual hug, consider this a snug 15 second, for oxytocin releasing, cuddle!
Send this message to anyone who you miss hugging in real life.
Big love,
A🤍
Checks and Balances
I am interested in balance in this world. Checks and balances. And I recognize that balance implies fluidity. Sometimes, there will be imbalance before balance is established. Sometimes, imbalance is regarded as the norm.
I am talking about social justice issues. Racism. Sexism. Weight stigma and oppression. Gender oppression. Patriarchy. Ableism. Ageism.
These are issues that deserve balance, but will demand the rising of consciousness and energy and effort of us all. I’m learning more and listening. And we need a collective rising to make change. Balance here is a wish that I hope will be granted. And we need a hell of a lot more than hope and wishes.
Fortunately, with regard to food, or at least attitude about it, balance is achievable.
And I hate using the word balance to describe food because it implies some judgment about food being good or bad. That some foods are health-promoting, while others are harmful. I’m not looking to suggest that cake is the same as salmon or kale or quinoa. That’s false. But what is NOT false is that all foods can fit. No food will do you grave harm, barring an allergy. Fact. Some foods provide more antioxidants or nutrients than others, but ALL FOOD IS GOOD FOOD. Some may be considered conventionally ‘heathy,’ but when was the last time you asked who decided what that was?
So the next time you think about balance, think about the fact that to establish balance, to have an awareness of what it is, implies imbalance, too.
We can fight for social justice and food and body freedom at the same time. They are inexorably linked.
I’m in.
Join me?
Fat Privilege is Not a Thing
It’s actually fascinating to me that folks have such a hard time with the concept of thin privilege. I am not suggesting that living with thin privilege means that you have not struggled, that you do not have bad body image days, or that you love your body.
What I am suggesting is that you live in a body that is not oppressed for existing as is.
A few personal experiences about thin privilege in a disabled body:
My last neurologist asked me to give a presentation to other humans living with secondary progressive MS and progressive disability. She knew I was a dietitian, but made repeated comments about my body size as though that had anything to do with my education.
She asked me to give a presentation to humans with MS who lived in larger bodies with the hope of putting them in smaller bodies. As to suggest the experience of living with disability and chronic illness is not hard enough. As to suggest that I would be interested in encouraging ANY humans to engage in a practice that disconnect them from their bodies, at best, and does great harm.
I never gave this presentation. I left this neurologist, and let her know why. ⬆️
I walk using a walker. Before COVID, I went for my monthly infusion, and a person asked if I needed help walking into the hospital. There was NOTHING that he may have assisted me with.
Strangers offer to help me.
Strangers (when I could still see them) initiate conversation.
I’m told that I’m an inspiration (I hate that one, because I am not an inspiration for being a human who lives with a chronic illness and disability. I might be inspirational in other ways, but inspirational for living? No.) and brave.
It is not lost on me that my experience of disability is unfairly tilted in the pleasant direction because of all my privilege.
Thin privilege. White privilege. The privilege of relative youth. The privilege of possessing conventional beauty attributes. And these are only some of the privileges that a stranger can see.
.
.
.
If the concept of thin privilege makes you feel defensive, I’m going to ask you to consider why that is. REALLY. Please think about this.
Fat privilege is not a thing.
Thin privilege is.
Grieving an Idealized Body is Part of the Process
Today is a hard day. And I’m not saying that with a desire of receiving sympathy, but I’m saying it to offer some common humanity.
My legs are moving, but very slowly. My coordination is a bit off. I feel tired, and though I don’t believe I could sleep right now, I simultaneously feel like I could sleep for a year.
Not all days are like this. Some days are easier than others.
I think about the amount of time that I used to spend grieving my body. Grieving my functional body, more accurately. It took up a lot of space for me. And I think that I needed that space to get to the place that I am in now.
I needed to feel sad and angry and misunderstood and alone to get to a place where I rarely feel those feelings at all. Of course I still do, but I’m able to frame them in a very different way.
For me, grieving a body started with the grieving of my actual physical body. Now, I use that energy and frustration when I think about systemic ableism. The fact that parts of the planet are now off-limits for me. That sucks. But that is not actually about my body at all. That is about culture and a society that has yet to make room for all bodies.
The fact that we live in a world that doesn’t make room for marginalized bodies is something I will mourn until it changes. And I will do everything that I can to shift the balance in favor of those who live with oppression. I fully acknowledge that all that I can do is speak my truth, but my activist parts are getting fiery.
Your body might be changing in ways that you don’t feel comfortable with. You may or may not easily navigate societal standards. And it’s okay that you have feelings about this. It is reasonable that you might crave a body that you once had, or never had.
Our culture lies when it states that there is only one way to have a body. That is bullshit. I wish for you to be so at home in your body that you are nearly impervious to these messages.
I wish for you to be so at home in your body if in fact, you feel at home there, that there is nowhere else that you would rather be. And if you have to feel sorrow before you find peace, allow yourself to feel.
Grieving is allowed. Allow.