I Need You to See Me
If you’re paying attention, I am a full-time disabled person. When you tell me that you don’t see my disability, you are projecting your sense that the worst, most insulting, derogatory thing that you could say, is that you recognize my disability as part of who I am. As though this is a thing that need be a source of shame. As though, if I were paying attention, I ought to be feeling as horrendous as the thing you want to communicate that you do NOT see when you interact with me.
As a human with an acquired disability, and one that is changing, at that, please know that I am very clear about the fact that my disability is here. That without my mobility aids, I would be living less of a life than the one I live now. That I don’t feel ashamed about using a walker or a wheelchair, if those things make engaging with the world possible.
Please also know, that this world is not easy to navigate as a disabled person. I am thinking three steps ahead, before I put myself in any situation. Will there be a ramp? Are there stairs? Do I need another human to be with me to make this safe and possible? Is the seating situation able to accommodate my body, that now includes objects with wheels? Are the sidewalks easily navigable? Will I be seated in the sun or the shade? Are there people who are willing to sit in a chair to talk to me in my wheelchair? So that I’m not staring 3 feet up, all the time? Are there humans who will be thoughtful about the fact that when they leave a space where I am sitting in a wheelchair, that for me to feel included, they might have to wait a moment for me to join them in transitioning from one space to another?
This happens all the time. Groups of humans leave a room, conversations happen above my head, and I’m forgotten in a space. And then I get emotional, beat myself up, grieve, (all of that happens very quickly) and I don’t want to follow you, because I think to myself that I wouldn’t do that to another human, and then I wonder if that’s true.
When you tell me you don’t see my disability, you are also telling me that you don’t notice the ways that ableism makes my life more challenging.
I need you to see me. And my disability.
You Deserve Better
This is one of the many ways that eating disorders manipulate the humans who live with them. Suggestion that because one is still functioning, and perhaps, from the outside, thriving, that things are f-i-n-e, fine.
I promise you that things can be easier than this. That the amount of effort that is required to live with an eating disorder, while also being a human on the planet, is endless. I also promise that the recovery effort will require a ton of energy. And persistence and patience and self-compassion and community and grit. And, often, this still requires less energy than living in two separate worlds.
This is not diagnostically specific.
This is not dependent on body size.
This is not racially or ethnically or religiously or gender or age-specific.
This message applies to anyone, and everyone.
You deserve better.
And that you are worth the effort.
Allyship is LOUD
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One thing that I take very seriously about having following is the fact that my voice carries.
That people read my words, and are affected by them.
If you have even a single follower, you have the same power.
June was Pride Month. A month that is dedicated to celebration of members of the LGBTQ+ community. A month of celebration of gender diversity. A celebration of the fact that love is love is love.
At the same time, we were living through a pandemic. A virus that was ravaging our nation, particularly the most vulnerable in it. At the same time again, we were living through a BLM revolution. Both things are still real and relevant one month later.
Since the start of the year, at least 22 trans women, mostly Black women, have been murdered.
I am an eating disorder dietitian. I have dedicated my life to supporting humans moving through the recovery process. And rates of eating disorders and disordered eating behaviors in the LGBTQ+ community are significantly higher than that of the cis/het community.
I can’t be pro eating disorder healing, pro recovery, and not be an ally for communities with whom I do not identify. My practice is, and always will be, gender affirming. My practice is a safe space for members of the LGBTQ+ community. This page is built to offer that same allegiance.
I can’t not speak about the oppression of marginalized groups because silence is complicity. The language used in this meme was given to me by Schuyler and Sander. Bullying is serious. And bullying is the most gentle term that applies here.
Borrowing Schuyler and Sander’s words:
“Allyship is not quiet. It does not bystand. It is loud. It is active. That is, if we are not actively protecting our LGBTQ+ siblings, we are complicit in their oppression. Hate is more insidious than you might notice. Hate is taught and affirmed through our silence and inaction. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SILENT ALLY. Swipe through the slides to learn more about being an ally.”
Be a part of this movement! Follow @pinkmantaray and use the tag #ALLYSHIPISLOUD. (And it listens)
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Show us what being an ally, or appreciating allies, means to you
Carbs are Awesome
Carbohydrates are awesome. Cutting carbs or following a low carb diet is a fabulous predictor of feeling out of control with or addicted to them.
Because carbs are your brain and body's primary fuel source, ALL foods, barring meat and fat, contain them.
This is very much on purpose.
The brain is wired to seek out carbohydrates if they’re in low supply. Carbs are essential for preventing blood sugar from dropping too low. When that occurs, the brain secretes messengers that drive us to consume high-carbohydrate foods, without discretion.
Food addiction research is based exclusively on starved rodents.
That’s it.
Am I saying that you might not experience a particular call for high carb foods? Particularly if they’ve been limited or have had rules built around them?
Of course not.
That’s normal.
That’s expected.
And that doesn’t need to be the end of the story. Permission to experiment with incorporation of carbohydrates, regularly, many times per day, daily, forever, granted. It’s likely that you’ll feel that you’ve messed up, that you’re doing something wrong, at the start.
This means you’re in it. Stay.
I Think You're Really Special
Not sure who needs to hear this, but I think you’re really special.
Send this to someone who is special to you.
Happy Saturday, friends.
🤍, a
Not All Disabilities are Visible
Reminder: not all disabilities are visible.
Reminder: not all disabilities are stagnant.
Reminder: not all disabilities are present at birth.
Reminder: not all disabilities are physical.
Reminder: not all disabilities are talked about.
Reminder: 1 in 4 Americans are disabled.
When I was first moving into this disabled body, people around me would tell me not to refer to myself as “disabled.” As though naming my acquired disability, before it significantly impacted my get around, I was putting myself into a universally undesirable category.
Disabled folx can describe themselves however they wish to. I can describe myself, my body; however, I want to. You can’t offer new language for disabled folx. That is for us to define. 🤟
F*ck Wellness Culture
What if you could separate the way you think about the quality of a day from the way you interact with food and movement?
It’s possible.
It’s gentle.
It’s rebellious.
It’s critical if you’re going to have a pleasant, happy relationship with how you move and how you nourish yourself.
It’s a rejection of wellness culture.
Swipe >> for rich clinical analysis.
Protect Yourself and Others
A THREAD >> swipe.
Sometimes the world calls on us to behave in a way that is about supporting the collective, us. In this moment, the call is for protecting ourselves and our fellow humans, to the best of our ability in the middle of a pandemic.
I am not a doctor. I am not pretending to be one, but what I do know is that COVID-19, in many humans, results in acute lung damage.
This version of the coronavirus is approximately six months old.
We don’t have longitudinal data on the pulmonary impact of surviving COVID-19 yet. It’s not because bad science, it’s because this disease is too f’ng new. We don’t know if young people who acquire & survive COVID will experience persistent lung challenges for the rest of their lives. Because the rest of their lives hasn’t happened yet.
It is in your best interest to protect yourself from acquiring this disease. Moreover, it is in the best interest of the humans around you, with less access, fewer privileges, & generally less access to healthcare, to protect yourself & the them, from getting this disease.
Remember when the news started reporting on the disproportionate number of Black & Brown humans being affected by this coronavirus? And at the beginning, the newscasters seemed to be truly dumbfounded?
I anticipate similar news stories in the future saying similar things.
“We don’t know why we are seeing disproportionate rates of COPD in Black & Brown & oppressed bodies but, we are. And it will likely be followed by some bullshit...These conditions were preventable with appropriate lifestyle change, or weight loss, or eating fruits and vegetables.”
Racism & systematic oppression were the reasons these communities were affected disproportionately, in the first place. They will remain the primary reasons for any secondary fallout from this pandemic in these communities.
As many of us are engaging in anti-racism efforts, examining white privilege, white supremacy, and how racism is alive and well today, please don’t stop there.
Anti-racism learning without doing EVERYTHING possible to prevent COVID-19 spread is not anti-racist.
My Wish For You
Push - Resist - Reject - Ignore - Avoid
Comply - Conform - Push - Earn
These are words that diet and wellness culture and white supremacy elevate. To suggest that putting endless effort into battling against one’s body is a uniformly good thing. A thing to be admired.
These are also words that to me, indicate extraordinary disconnection. Throughout my adventure of chronic illness, I’ve pushed hard. I’ve rejected my body. I’ve been convinced that I just need to do that next right thing. I have abused myself for not doing it right. I’ve resisted identifying with my disease. Multiple sclerosis? Sure, I have it, but that’s not me...I’m not that young person with the disabling disease. And if I am, I must be doing something wrong. I must’ve eaten the wrong food. I must not of gotten enough sleep. I must have under committed to my movement regime. I must not be consistent enough. I should be pushing harder.
And the story goes on. And I don’t get better. And I feel trapped in my body. And I speak very unkindly of it. And I feel worse because I do so. And then I am given a gift: I experience the world as a disabled person, and for the first time in my life, I become invisible.
And I am heartbroken, and frustrated, and furious, and heartbroken all over again. But I am reminded that my body is not the reason that I am here. That I can use my body, my mind, for good. That being treated poorly because I am disabled is NOT actually about me.
And so I shift. Slowly, and persistently. I shift and I become more open and more gentle. I am worthy because I am here. My body is worthy because it is here.
I don’t need to push, to resist my body’s changes, to ignore my intuition, to avoid the messages my body is sending me, to comply with someone else’s program for health or to earn the right to be in my body.
Your body does not need to prove its worthiness. To you, or to anyone else on the planet. Being gentle with myself has changed the way I experience life and living.
I wish the same for you.
You Can Choose Your Body Back
The relationship you have with your body is the longest relationship you’ll ever have.
Lasting relationships are respectful.
Full stop.
No real relationship is always happy. It’s unrealistic to suggest that you’ll always love your body. You might not like it. You might want to take space from it. You might want to separate from it altogether. And still, it will be your body.
If you feel at home in your body, please be kind. Treating your body disrespectfully will address nothing. It will make it harder to be in your body.
If you don’t, please be even more so. As impossible as that may seem. Gender dysphoria is real. Eurocentric beauty ideals are real. Please be gentle with yourself.
Body love is a prerequisite for nothing.