Body Size is Not a Diagnostic Tool
Reminders:
Body size is not a diagnostic tool.
Weight stigma is deadly.
You deserve to be taken seriously.
You deserve respectful care.
I see you.
Really, It's Okay
Really, it’s okay.
It’s okay if you have a memory of an earlier version of your body that felt easier to live in. It’s okay if part of you believes that your life would be happier and sunnier and brighter if your body were different. It’s okay if part of that is true.
This is what diet and wellness culture screams from the sidelines. “Encouraging“ us to do the next extreme thing. To follow the next diet trend, or exercise craze, for the sake of finding body peace.
Body peace is not found in endlessly pushing to change a body.
It’s okay if you wish that living in your skin were easier. I wish that for you, too.
And if being in your body does not feel comfortable today, know that you can still take care of it just the same. And that self-care, alone, can improve the experience of being in your body.
Disability Pride Month Final Requests
Okay so now that we are making eye contact, and respecting my wishes for assistance or not, it’s time to talk about ableism.
If you live in an able body, this is likely something that you’ve never been made to contend with. But the world is designed for people who walk and people who stand. It’s also designed for people who have the ability to reach or bend down without risk. (again, I am not speaking for all disabled humans, I am only speaking about my experience here…)
If you know or care about someone who is disabled, there are a few specific thoughts that I would like to offer.
1. Be up for changing plans. In the not so distant past, and in unfamiliar territory, I had to try to gain access to THREE restaurants before finding one that I could actually enter comfortably. Fortunately, I was with friends who were willing to accompany me on this journey and made the issue about access NOT my body. At one time, I might’ve made this entirely about me, but I’m now able to see that it is about accessibility. And right now, inclusive design and accessibility aren’t always considered. I have to be willing to change my plans. Please be willing to change yours with me.
2. Let me know what I’m getting myself into. Are we meeting in a place that has a ramp? Does it have stairs and will it require a little bit of walking? Will I need to stand for a long period of time? Are there chairs widely available? Is this place crowded? Is there room for me and my mobility aids? Do I need to have fully functional arms and legs to enjoy where we are meeting? Or what we’re doing?
It’s not your job to decide for me whether or not I join you in a social setting, but it is greatly appreciated when I feel supported in doing the more difficult, braver thing and put myself into the world.
3. Identify and recognize ableism as you see it. Join me in my frustration. I recently stayed in a hotel that was labeled “accessible,” and it had a step to access the bathroom. I can take a step right now, but on no planet is that accessible. That is total BS.
Being a disabled person can sometimes feel isolating, and support & solidarity from those around me matters.
You Are Allowed
SHAME (noun)
a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.
GUILT (noun)
Feeling responsible or regretful for a perceived offense, real or imaginary.
We’ve all likely felt guilty and shameful in the context of being human. They are real experiences. But they have NO place in your experiences with food.
It is never morally wrong or foolish to eat.
What you eat is not offensive. Period.
When I hear the words guilt and shame related to food, I get very curious. I’d encourage you to be similarly inquisitive.
Is the feeling of guilt/shame your own? Or based on someone else’s story?
Is it coming from a diet culture message that places moral judgement on food choices?
How does the feeding of guilt or shame effect your eating experience? (It does. and only negatively.) this is not up for debate.
How would giving yourself permission to eat change your experiences of shame? Of guilt?
Would you suggest that someone else feel shame/guilt for eating in the same way?
You are allowed to eat.
You are allowed to enjoy.
You are allowed to celebrate with food.
You are allowed to use food to support you in coping.
You are allowed.
Thanks for Learning With Me
It’s still disability pride month! I so appreciate you joining me on this journey!
Because we are already making eye contact, and I so appreciate that we are, there might be a time that you see a human with a disability (me) appear to be struggling. As mentioned in a previous post, I move differently than most people do. There will be some days in which I am happy to accept your offering of assistance. There will be others in which I don’t want your help.
Something that I appreciate greatly is when another human asks me whether or not I need help. Whether or not they can hold the door for me, or open the door for me, or lift something for me, etc. I love that question and I’m so grateful to have people ask it of me.
What I don’t love is what happens when I decline assistance and someone continues to provide the assistance anyway. This happens to me a lot in the context of door holding. If you stand at the door holding it open for me, please know that I am going to work harder to get to the door faster. I have no more interest in inconveniencing you than you have interest in inconveniencing me. While I greatly appreciate the gesture as I know it is coming from a nice place, trust that I know my body better than you do.
One responsibility that I am newly and keenly aware of is that I must ask for assistance on occasion.
It is my job to ask for help when I need it.
It is my job to accept help when it is offered and I would benefit from it.
It is your job to back up if I decline.
Thank you for learning with me.
I didn’t know this stuff, either.
This May Feel Like A Lot
This may feel like a lot, so please hang with me.
I grew up with the knowledge that my mother developed skin cancer related to tanning her body, with baby oil, on Virginia Beach.
I grew up in safe communities where it was possible for me to lay in the sun, with or without sunscreen, with the desire of acquiring a tan.
For many years, I visited tanning booths.
I felt better, bronzed. I never considered the fact that I was looking to acquire the hue of a human who lived a more challenging experience than I did, based simply on the color of my skin.
I am not telling you that you are wrong for liking your skin when it is bronzed. I too, prefer a sun kissed glow. I admit that not because it’s right or wrong, but because I’m human.
AND
As a grown person, I wear sunscreen when I go outside, because I don’t wish to follow in my mom‘s footsteps. At least in a dermatological sense.
This is a responsibility that I take seriously, because it is one way that I can stack the health odds in my favor.
Sunscreen has been demonstrated to reduce the risk of skin cancer. So, because I don’t want skin cancer, I will wear it.
I know that it is summertime. And I know that beaches are open. And pools are open. And folks want to have backyard parties as though this were a regular year. I want that, too.
But this is not a regular year. We are living through a pandemic. And making a choice to gather in groups, without masks, is a dangerous one. Even if you get COVID-19, and are fine afterward, humans at higher risk, around you, may not experience your positive outcome.
We also do not know about the long-term ramifications of acquisition of this disease. You could be fine now, and very not fine later. Please be thoughtful.
This is like wearing sunscreen.
And at the end of the day, the humans who were the most vulnerable at the beginning of this pandemic, the ones whose skin tones are desirable right now, will be the ones that will suffer most significantly as this pandemic continues.
Masks have been demonstrated to reduce rates of transmission of COVID-19. So because I don’t want to spread it, I wear one.
I love you and want you to be safe.
We all need to care right now.
"Feel Good", Not "Be Good"
“Being good” because food is not. a. thing.
“Being good” because movement is not. a. thing.
Any statement to the contrary is made up, erroneous, and designed to make you feel badly. And probably spend money.
NOPE. 👎
PS: Pictured happily in my new office. Smile doesn’t really match the words, but a more aggressive posture was not in the cards. Eat and move because it feels good. Then smile, if you’re so inclined.
PPS: I went back to my office lady weekend. The calendar still says March. Next week is August. (Holy shit) It’s been nearly six months. This grin is punchy because I just did the math.
PPPS: Please wear a mask and safety distance.
I Call Bullsh*t
First things first, I hope that your relationship with food is not dictated by a black and white label.
If you are stuck in this pattern, please know that your body has your back and that there is another way. Secondly, this is not a debate about caloric specificity. I don’t ask my clients to think in terms of calories, and I certainly do not.
I’m not here to debate whether or not short humans or humans with less muscularity require less fuel.
That is not the point of this post.
AND
I am fired up about this.
Forever and ever and ever, health recommendations, celebrity menus in magazines (for those of us who remember those!), and pop marketing, particularly to womxm, have suggested that caloric restriction to some number that begins with the integer ONE is adequate. This happens in eating disorder treatment, too. If that is part of your story, I hear you and I see you.
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A few weeks ago, someone notified me about an influencer here, suggesting something similarly.
I call bullshit.
Your body needs a lot of food to function. Often it needs more than that to function optimally.
Almost always, this is more food than you’d expect.
If you’re old enough to read this, please let yourself eat. And instead of giving your favorite Instagram promoter of underfeeding props, perhaps unfollow instead. ✌️
The Hate U Give
The Hate U Give is a fabulous book. 10/10 recommended. If you’re less into reading, the movie is also excellent.
And relevant on all the days.
This was a line offered from mother to daughter before she did a very brave thing. I’m not saying more because I hate spoilers. I will say this: if you want to understand why Black Lives Matter matters so much, seek out content from Black creators.
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Brave is a recovery requirement.
Brave is a healing requirement.
Brave is a requirement for taking up space.
Brave is a requirement for setting limits.
Brave is a requirement for upholding boundaries.
Brave is a requirement for standing up for what is right.
Brave is a requirement for changing patterns that don’t serve us.
Brave is a requirement for upholding standards for the humans we allow into our space.
Brave is a requirement for asking for help.
Brave is a requirement for really living.
Brave is necessary at every step.
And brave doesn’t mean that you’re not terrified.
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👉👉 Tell me about a brave thing that you’ve done. Nothing is too small to be celebrated. I can’t wait.
I Am the Student
I have letters after my name that denote expertise. I have had the privilege of obtaining advanced certifications. I have relied on peer-reviewed research and clinical supervision and operated in ways that has been supported by industry standards.
And none of my schooling included acknowledgment of the whitewashing of education. None of my education, not even the courses designed to increase cultural competency spoke at all about cultural empathy. None of my education encouraged me to challenge the dramatically oversimplified, racist metrics in which we ascertain or categorize “health.” Zero parts of my clinical experience working in eating disorder treatment facilities challenged me to think beyond the Eurocentric methods in which I was providing nutrition care.
My clients are my teachers. I don’t, nor do I need, to have all the answers.
Healing is not a top-down process.
It is a collective experience.
My operating as an expert does nothing to serve the humans with whom I am privileged to engage in work with. My listening and reflecting what I hear is endlessly more important than anything I’ve been conventionally taught.
I’m busy unlearning most of that, anyway.
A big thank you to you, to my clients, for being my ultimate teachers. It is my honor that you have chosen to join me here.