F*ck Wellness Culture
What if you could separate the way you think about the quality of a day from the way you interact with food and movement?
It’s possible.
It’s gentle.
It’s rebellious.
It’s critical if you’re going to have a pleasant, happy relationship with how you move and how you nourish yourself.
It’s a rejection of wellness culture.
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Protect Yourself and Others
A THREAD >> swipe.
Sometimes the world calls on us to behave in a way that is about supporting the collective, us. In this moment, the call is for protecting ourselves and our fellow humans, to the best of our ability in the middle of a pandemic.
I am not a doctor. I am not pretending to be one, but what I do know is that COVID-19, in many humans, results in acute lung damage.
This version of the coronavirus is approximately six months old.
We don’t have longitudinal data on the pulmonary impact of surviving COVID-19 yet. It’s not because bad science, it’s because this disease is too f’ng new. We don’t know if young people who acquire & survive COVID will experience persistent lung challenges for the rest of their lives. Because the rest of their lives hasn’t happened yet.
It is in your best interest to protect yourself from acquiring this disease. Moreover, it is in the best interest of the humans around you, with less access, fewer privileges, & generally less access to healthcare, to protect yourself & the them, from getting this disease.
Remember when the news started reporting on the disproportionate number of Black & Brown humans being affected by this coronavirus? And at the beginning, the newscasters seemed to be truly dumbfounded?
I anticipate similar news stories in the future saying similar things.
“We don’t know why we are seeing disproportionate rates of COPD in Black & Brown & oppressed bodies but, we are. And it will likely be followed by some bullshit...These conditions were preventable with appropriate lifestyle change, or weight loss, or eating fruits and vegetables.”
Racism & systematic oppression were the reasons these communities were affected disproportionately, in the first place. They will remain the primary reasons for any secondary fallout from this pandemic in these communities.
As many of us are engaging in anti-racism efforts, examining white privilege, white supremacy, and how racism is alive and well today, please don’t stop there.
Anti-racism learning without doing EVERYTHING possible to prevent COVID-19 spread is not anti-racist.
My Wish For You
Push - Resist - Reject - Ignore - Avoid
Comply - Conform - Push - Earn
These are words that diet and wellness culture and white supremacy elevate. To suggest that putting endless effort into battling against one’s body is a uniformly good thing. A thing to be admired.
These are also words that to me, indicate extraordinary disconnection. Throughout my adventure of chronic illness, I’ve pushed hard. I’ve rejected my body. I’ve been convinced that I just need to do that next right thing. I have abused myself for not doing it right. I’ve resisted identifying with my disease. Multiple sclerosis? Sure, I have it, but that’s not me...I’m not that young person with the disabling disease. And if I am, I must be doing something wrong. I must’ve eaten the wrong food. I must not of gotten enough sleep. I must have under committed to my movement regime. I must not be consistent enough. I should be pushing harder.
And the story goes on. And I don’t get better. And I feel trapped in my body. And I speak very unkindly of it. And I feel worse because I do so. And then I am given a gift: I experience the world as a disabled person, and for the first time in my life, I become invisible.
And I am heartbroken, and frustrated, and furious, and heartbroken all over again. But I am reminded that my body is not the reason that I am here. That I can use my body, my mind, for good. That being treated poorly because I am disabled is NOT actually about me.
And so I shift. Slowly, and persistently. I shift and I become more open and more gentle. I am worthy because I am here. My body is worthy because it is here.
I don’t need to push, to resist my body’s changes, to ignore my intuition, to avoid the messages my body is sending me, to comply with someone else’s program for health or to earn the right to be in my body.
Your body does not need to prove its worthiness. To you, or to anyone else on the planet. Being gentle with myself has changed the way I experience life and living.
I wish the same for you.
You Can Choose Your Body Back
The relationship you have with your body is the longest relationship you’ll ever have.
Lasting relationships are respectful.
Full stop.
No real relationship is always happy. It’s unrealistic to suggest that you’ll always love your body. You might not like it. You might want to take space from it. You might want to separate from it altogether. And still, it will be your body.
If you feel at home in your body, please be kind. Treating your body disrespectfully will address nothing. It will make it harder to be in your body.
If you don’t, please be even more so. As impossible as that may seem. Gender dysphoria is real. Eurocentric beauty ideals are real. Please be gentle with yourself.
Body love is a prerequisite for nothing.
This is an Inaccessible View
This is an inaccessible view.
My hub found it while he was out on a run. And thought I’d enjoy. So we put on our masks and he pushed me here.
On an old rail trail with gravel and uneven pavement and dirt. With a ceiling of trees. Maple. Ash. Oak. Pine. Leaves with varying shapes and varying degrees of translucency. Some view of the sky. Bright blue. Vines and lichen and life.
I lean my head back, look up and take it all in. Tears roll down my cheeks.
I feel like I can breathe here. Not that I haven’t been breathing, but outside air is different than inside air. And it has been a while since I have been outside like this.
I look down, around the path, and recognize the local ground cover, point out poison ivy and grasses, and low-light flowering plants.
Were there fewer humans out on this day, I would’ve asked my husband to slow down so I might’ve appreciated things more slowly. Taking time to soak in the green. The color. The life. Instead, I weep and keep looking.
And then he pushes me to this grassy opening. A flat space that reminds me of my childhood in South Dakota.
Flat. Open. Sky. And my tears become audible, and my heart is breaking open. THIS. This is what I’ve needed. This.
I push myself into the field. And I bend down to feel the ground covering. I pull at the grasses. I disturb a row of grass seeds. Dropping them on the ground. I notice a grasshopper. Another. If I had the power to do so, I realize in this moment, I would push myself out of my chair and roll around in this grassy space. I don’t. So I don’t.
I stay out here for a while. I remember being young and running through grasses that touched my fingers. I appreciate that, at wheelchair height, I can experience the same thing now.
This day was a gift.
This is why inaccessible views is so important to me. This is why every time I am tagged in a story of outside, I cry.
Because I did not know what a privilege it was to enjoy this earth until it felt out of reach. And I’m not sure whether or not you have seen the collection of inaccessible views. There are over 500 of them now. They’ve been viewed over 10,000 times. This is a gift you give to me, and a gift I am so grateful to share.
I'm Proud of You
All that work you’re putting into healing your relationship with food and body?
That work is necessary if you are going to show up in service of social justice, that work is necessary if you are going to be a part of social change, that work is necessary for you to remain engaged in efforts for altering our future.
You are living through a pandemic.
You are living through a revolution.
You are a part of history right now.
Please keep fighting your fight, because all of us are needed to win the fight for tangible social change. And that is a fight that can never, ever end.
I’m really proud of you.
Eat Real Food
My definition of real food: all foods, any foods, that are on adulterated by diet culture. Period.
This means that a carrot and a Cheeto get the same amount of my energy. (And no, I am not saying that they are the same thing, nutritionally speaking.) That quinoa and kale might be delightful to you, and they might not, and either way, what you eat is not a reflection of you or your value or your goodness.
If you want to slice of bread, have a slice of real bread. If you want yogurt, skip the diet section. That new trendy food? Eat it if you enjoy it, but don’t feel like you need to. Food does not need to be a team sport. You don’t need to be a member of a club to eat a thing, and just because you choose to eat a thing, does not make you a member of a club, anyway. (I’m definitely on team #butterlove). Real food can represent any food. It’s the relationship we have to it that matters. If you’re in a space where you can’t consider eating non-diet foods, get curious about what would happen if you challenge that idea for a moment.
Diet foods stink. You deserve better and your body can handle better, too.
EAT REAL FOOD.
Your Hunger is Valid
If you have the privilege of having access to adequate food, I invite you to explore what it might feel like to listen to your body when it suggests that it needs more food.
What you eat in a day, or in a moment, or at a meal, will be different from what the humans around you may be eating.
This is expected.
This is normal.
What you need to eat is always going to be different from what your fellow eaters require or choose to consume. This is okay. This is normal. Suggesting otherwise is like suggesting that all humans need the same amount of rest to feel rested, or the same amount of socializing to feel connected.
Your hunger is valid.
Your appetite is valid.
If you eat, and you’re still hungry, please grant yourself permission to eat more.
Disability Pride
Disability pride.
A concept that I fully embrace today, and struggled with initially. Because ableism. Because I wanted to stand out for other reasons. Because I felt that I couldn’t have or be both disabled and an exceptional professional, citizen, human in relationship. (Wrong and ableist AF) Because I was grieving and my reason for grief was confirmed by the humans around me.
When I first took my disabled body into the world, with peers, humans who I respected and who respected me back, I experienced invisibility. I used a scooter to navigate a large hotel and conference center. I told people to look for me in a scooter. And many of those humans looked past me.
For the sake of not looking at that which is different. That which is other. And I appreciate that it was coming from a place of being polite, because before I became a disabled person, I did the same thing. I didn’t look, because “I didn’t want to stare.“ But what I did not realize, until experiencing it myself, was that when I chose not to look, I was rendering a human invisible. Not, not staring.
Disability lesson number one:
Not looking at a person with a disability is not the polite thing. You are not being kind by rendering a human invisible. That is a YOU thing, not a disabled person thing.
I offer this lesson because it was never taught to me.
Thank you for reading.
More to follow.
Weekend Reminders
Have a great weekend, friends!
Wear a mask. Practice social distancing. Independence is a privilege not afforded to all, demonstrate yours without putting others at risk.
This pandemic is not over.
Have a conversation about Juneteenth. About white privilege, anti-racism, and Black Lives Matter. Share about where and what you’re learning.
Remember that all foods fit and that your body is on your side.
Big love,
a🤍