"Feel Good", Not "Be Good"
“Being good” because food is not. a. thing.
“Being good” because movement is not. a. thing.
Any statement to the contrary is made up, erroneous, and designed to make you feel badly. And probably spend money.
NOPE. 👎
PS: Pictured happily in my new office. Smile doesn’t really match the words, but a more aggressive posture was not in the cards. Eat and move because it feels good. Then smile, if you’re so inclined.
PPS: I went back to my office lady weekend. The calendar still says March. Next week is August. (Holy shit) It’s been nearly six months. This grin is punchy because I just did the math.
PPPS: Please wear a mask and safety distance.
I Call Bullsh*t
First things first, I hope that your relationship with food is not dictated by a black and white label.
If you are stuck in this pattern, please know that your body has your back and that there is another way. Secondly, this is not a debate about caloric specificity. I don’t ask my clients to think in terms of calories, and I certainly do not.
I’m not here to debate whether or not short humans or humans with less muscularity require less fuel.
That is not the point of this post.
AND
I am fired up about this.
Forever and ever and ever, health recommendations, celebrity menus in magazines (for those of us who remember those!), and pop marketing, particularly to womxm, have suggested that caloric restriction to some number that begins with the integer ONE is adequate. This happens in eating disorder treatment, too. If that is part of your story, I hear you and I see you.
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A few weeks ago, someone notified me about an influencer here, suggesting something similarly.
I call bullshit.
Your body needs a lot of food to function. Often it needs more than that to function optimally.
Almost always, this is more food than you’d expect.
If you’re old enough to read this, please let yourself eat. And instead of giving your favorite Instagram promoter of underfeeding props, perhaps unfollow instead. ✌️
The Hate U Give
The Hate U Give is a fabulous book. 10/10 recommended. If you’re less into reading, the movie is also excellent.
And relevant on all the days.
This was a line offered from mother to daughter before she did a very brave thing. I’m not saying more because I hate spoilers. I will say this: if you want to understand why Black Lives Matter matters so much, seek out content from Black creators.
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Brave is a recovery requirement.
Brave is a healing requirement.
Brave is a requirement for taking up space.
Brave is a requirement for setting limits.
Brave is a requirement for upholding boundaries.
Brave is a requirement for standing up for what is right.
Brave is a requirement for changing patterns that don’t serve us.
Brave is a requirement for upholding standards for the humans we allow into our space.
Brave is a requirement for asking for help.
Brave is a requirement for really living.
Brave is necessary at every step.
And brave doesn’t mean that you’re not terrified.
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👉👉 Tell me about a brave thing that you’ve done. Nothing is too small to be celebrated. I can’t wait.
I Am the Student
I have letters after my name that denote expertise. I have had the privilege of obtaining advanced certifications. I have relied on peer-reviewed research and clinical supervision and operated in ways that has been supported by industry standards.
And none of my schooling included acknowledgment of the whitewashing of education. None of my education, not even the courses designed to increase cultural competency spoke at all about cultural empathy. None of my education encouraged me to challenge the dramatically oversimplified, racist metrics in which we ascertain or categorize “health.” Zero parts of my clinical experience working in eating disorder treatment facilities challenged me to think beyond the Eurocentric methods in which I was providing nutrition care.
My clients are my teachers. I don’t, nor do I need, to have all the answers.
Healing is not a top-down process.
It is a collective experience.
My operating as an expert does nothing to serve the humans with whom I am privileged to engage in work with. My listening and reflecting what I hear is endlessly more important than anything I’ve been conventionally taught.
I’m busy unlearning most of that, anyway.
A big thank you to you, to my clients, for being my ultimate teachers. It is my honor that you have chosen to join me here.
I Need You to See Me
If you’re paying attention, I am a full-time disabled person. When you tell me that you don’t see my disability, you are projecting your sense that the worst, most insulting, derogatory thing that you could say, is that you recognize my disability as part of who I am. As though this is a thing that need be a source of shame. As though, if I were paying attention, I ought to be feeling as horrendous as the thing you want to communicate that you do NOT see when you interact with me.
As a human with an acquired disability, and one that is changing, at that, please know that I am very clear about the fact that my disability is here. That without my mobility aids, I would be living less of a life than the one I live now. That I don’t feel ashamed about using a walker or a wheelchair, if those things make engaging with the world possible.
Please also know, that this world is not easy to navigate as a disabled person. I am thinking three steps ahead, before I put myself in any situation. Will there be a ramp? Are there stairs? Do I need another human to be with me to make this safe and possible? Is the seating situation able to accommodate my body, that now includes objects with wheels? Are the sidewalks easily navigable? Will I be seated in the sun or the shade? Are there people who are willing to sit in a chair to talk to me in my wheelchair? So that I’m not staring 3 feet up, all the time? Are there humans who will be thoughtful about the fact that when they leave a space where I am sitting in a wheelchair, that for me to feel included, they might have to wait a moment for me to join them in transitioning from one space to another?
This happens all the time. Groups of humans leave a room, conversations happen above my head, and I’m forgotten in a space. And then I get emotional, beat myself up, grieve, (all of that happens very quickly) and I don’t want to follow you, because I think to myself that I wouldn’t do that to another human, and then I wonder if that’s true.
When you tell me you don’t see my disability, you are also telling me that you don’t notice the ways that ableism makes my life more challenging.
I need you to see me. And my disability.
You Deserve Better
This is one of the many ways that eating disorders manipulate the humans who live with them. Suggestion that because one is still functioning, and perhaps, from the outside, thriving, that things are f-i-n-e, fine.
I promise you that things can be easier than this. That the amount of effort that is required to live with an eating disorder, while also being a human on the planet, is endless. I also promise that the recovery effort will require a ton of energy. And persistence and patience and self-compassion and community and grit. And, often, this still requires less energy than living in two separate worlds.
This is not diagnostically specific.
This is not dependent on body size.
This is not racially or ethnically or religiously or gender or age-specific.
This message applies to anyone, and everyone.
You deserve better.
And that you are worth the effort.
Allyship is LOUD
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One thing that I take very seriously about having following is the fact that my voice carries.
That people read my words, and are affected by them.
If you have even a single follower, you have the same power.
June was Pride Month. A month that is dedicated to celebration of members of the LGBTQ+ community. A month of celebration of gender diversity. A celebration of the fact that love is love is love.
At the same time, we were living through a pandemic. A virus that was ravaging our nation, particularly the most vulnerable in it. At the same time again, we were living through a BLM revolution. Both things are still real and relevant one month later.
Since the start of the year, at least 22 trans women, mostly Black women, have been murdered.
I am an eating disorder dietitian. I have dedicated my life to supporting humans moving through the recovery process. And rates of eating disorders and disordered eating behaviors in the LGBTQ+ community are significantly higher than that of the cis/het community.
I can’t be pro eating disorder healing, pro recovery, and not be an ally for communities with whom I do not identify. My practice is, and always will be, gender affirming. My practice is a safe space for members of the LGBTQ+ community. This page is built to offer that same allegiance.
I can’t not speak about the oppression of marginalized groups because silence is complicity. The language used in this meme was given to me by Schuyler and Sander. Bullying is serious. And bullying is the most gentle term that applies here.
Borrowing Schuyler and Sander’s words:
“Allyship is not quiet. It does not bystand. It is loud. It is active. That is, if we are not actively protecting our LGBTQ+ siblings, we are complicit in their oppression. Hate is more insidious than you might notice. Hate is taught and affirmed through our silence and inaction. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SILENT ALLY. Swipe through the slides to learn more about being an ally.”
Be a part of this movement! Follow @pinkmantaray and use the tag #ALLYSHIPISLOUD. (And it listens)
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Show us what being an ally, or appreciating allies, means to you
Carbs are Awesome
Carbohydrates are awesome. Cutting carbs or following a low carb diet is a fabulous predictor of feeling out of control with or addicted to them.
Because carbs are your brain and body's primary fuel source, ALL foods, barring meat and fat, contain them.
This is very much on purpose.
The brain is wired to seek out carbohydrates if they’re in low supply. Carbs are essential for preventing blood sugar from dropping too low. When that occurs, the brain secretes messengers that drive us to consume high-carbohydrate foods, without discretion.
Food addiction research is based exclusively on starved rodents.
That’s it.
Am I saying that you might not experience a particular call for high carb foods? Particularly if they’ve been limited or have had rules built around them?
Of course not.
That’s normal.
That’s expected.
And that doesn’t need to be the end of the story. Permission to experiment with incorporation of carbohydrates, regularly, many times per day, daily, forever, granted. It’s likely that you’ll feel that you’ve messed up, that you’re doing something wrong, at the start.
This means you’re in it. Stay.
I Think You're Really Special
Not sure who needs to hear this, but I think you’re really special.
Send this to someone who is special to you.
Happy Saturday, friends.
🤍, a
Not All Disabilities are Visible
Reminder: not all disabilities are visible.
Reminder: not all disabilities are stagnant.
Reminder: not all disabilities are present at birth.
Reminder: not all disabilities are physical.
Reminder: not all disabilities are talked about.
Reminder: 1 in 4 Americans are disabled.
When I was first moving into this disabled body, people around me would tell me not to refer to myself as “disabled.” As though naming my acquired disability, before it significantly impacted my get around, I was putting myself into a universally undesirable category.
Disabled folx can describe themselves however they wish to. I can describe myself, my body; however, I want to. You can’t offer new language for disabled folx. That is for us to define. 🤟