Evolve or repeat
New Year reality; “you’re not enough so buy this” message is going to be replaced with “you’re not enough so diet...” This year, consider that there is another way.
Change is so hard. And being stuck in a pattern that doesn’t serve us? Sometimes, even harder than the change itself. And other times, the change itself is hard as can be, and worth the difficulty.
Recovering from an eating disorder and moving away from diet culture is hard. It takes work, persistence, patience, self-compassion, drive, and all of these things, repeated, endlessly.
But we are presented with two choices: evolve or repeat.
In my life, I have chosen both. You likely have, too. Living with a chronic illness and a progressively debilitating illness, at that, is a lot. I have fought against my body. I have talked shit about my body. I have gone to great lengths to change my body. I have paid real money for miracle solutions that left me miraculously with less money and less self-confidence. And by no means, is this process over. But when I choose to sit with acceptance of what is, I’m not judging myself or my process or my body.
I’ve had MS for over 20 years. I’ve been disabled for the better part of 10, probably. I didn’t realize that my body moved differently until seeing myself on video eight years ago. And then after that, I acquired a limp that my dentist teased me for…I didn’t go to the dentist for two years after that.
In the last five years, I have started using mobility aids. I am disabled. And my disability is changing. My body is evolving in ways that I don’t love. But I am not repeating the pattern of beating the hell out of myself for the sake of beating the hell out of myself.
I wonder if you can offer your self, your body, similar compassion. I wonder if you can make the next choice one that frustrates your eating disorder, or flies in the face of diet culture. Expect it to feel uncomfortable. And keep going.
Our bodies are in a state of constant evolution. When our minds are doing the same, there can be harmony.
EVOLVE. Let’s go, 2020. Ready.
I am a Fat Positive Nutritionist
I AM A PROUD FAT POSITIVE NUTRITIONIST
And while I’m here for all bodies, I am not interested in the unfair elevation of the experience of privileged bodies.
I get messages from folks telling me that they hate me and my page. That I am not to be trusted as a nutrition professional. That I must be speaking to small-fat bodies when I say that all bodies are worthy of care, of recognition, of recovery, of respect.
And although the discourse in my inbox is upsetting, it is NOTHING compared to the bullshit that humans who live in larger bodies are made to contend with, every day.
I can block folks. I can choose to not respond. I can choose to educate and fight and advocate.
And these are my choices because of the privilege that I live with.
So when I say I am fat positive dietitian, I’m here for ALL fat bodies. Small fat, medium fat, super fat, infinity. Fat bodies that live with and without disease or disorder. Fat bodies that have dieted and felt as though they failed, and dieted again. Fat bodies that engage in physical activity, or not. Fat bodies that are able to access nutritious food, or not. Fat bodies that have experienced disordered eating or eating disorders, or not. Fat bodies that prioritize health, whatever that means to an individual, or not. Able fat bodies, and fat bodies with disability.
I am a fat-positive dietitian because working otherwise is perpetuating weight stigma. Weight stigma is deadly. I am a Health at Every Size® dietitian because neglecting to operate from this paradigm, particularly in the context of treating humans with eating disorders, is negligent at best, deadly at worst.
I’ve learned a lot in eleven years. Most importantly, about the importance of sitting down, learning from those with experiences that I have not had, and challenging the weight-centric treatment paradigm.
I am looking forward to a new year of LOUD fat positive voices. Dismantling fatphobia and weight stigma is good for ALL bodies.
Vadiveloo, 2017
Don’t let the decoration fool you
Diet culture at the end of the year is the same life vacuum that it is all year round.
With glitter. And tinsel. And bows.
Same false promise.
Same body pressure.
Same success(?) rates.
Same noise.
Don’t let the decoration fool you.
And I understand that you might be tempted. And I see you if you’re not ready to reject diet culture. And I understand that fatphobia may keep you in the diet cycle. And I apologize if weight stigma has led to others to recommend that you stay with it. Just. One. More. Time.
And I’ll be here, either way.
Put it Down
Almost every session that I have had over the last two weeks has in one way or another, touched on concern about the opinion of other humans, with regard to food and body experiences.
That’s not to say that concern about body talk is unique.
That’s not to say that concern about food talk is unique.
But this intensity is real. And if you’re feeling it too, know that you’re not alone.
I’m sorry if you are made to sit through uncomfortable conversations, and know that you can come out on the other side.
I’m sorry if you are made to feel bad for taking up space. It’s yours.
I’m sorry if you are made question the food choices that you make over the next few days. Those are for you. Alone.
I’m sorry if you are made to defend your body over the next few days. It’s yours and you belong here.
People who make comments about the bodies or food choices of other humans have their own food and body stories.
I feel very confident about this statement, and do not believe that there are exceptions to it.
You don’t need to carry other people’s fatphobia, weight stigma, dieting trope, or food stories.
PUT. IT. DOWN.
You're Worthy of Boundaries
They might have told you stories about the right way to be in a body.
They might have told you that you were doing it wrong.
They might have asked you to work against your body.
They might not have seen your struggle. Or known what to do with it.
And they might have seen it. And encouraged you to keep going.
You may have made the hard choice to set limits on contact with these humans. You may have set boundaries to protect yourself. You may see them rarely as a means of self-preservation. You may recognize that their messaging was never about you, but rather, a reflection of their experience. You might not feel convicted of that yet.
And maybe you’ll see them this week.
They might want to talk about food and bodies and diets and socially encouraged disordered eating patterns. They might ask about why you’re eating what you’re eating. They might repeat patterns that you’ve tried to disrupt. They might behave in ways that reaffirm your need for boundaries and separation and space.
You’re worthy of your boundaries. And you can uphold them even when you are temporarily sidestepping them because the holiday season demands it.
Hold fast, dear ones.